Back in 1787 Grigori Potemkin constructed hollow facades on the buildings in his village in order to fool Catherine II as to the value of her new conquests of the Crimean War, thus enhancing his standing in the empress's eyes.
My roommate similiarly puts up a false front to hide the fact that he is the worst roommate ever. No hyperbole. Worst, ever. Example: he subsrcibes to Esquire to learn how to dress "European" but when he buys a nice suit jacket he doesn't realize that the pockets are sewn shut and as a result believes that he has "fake pockets". He looks nice, but it's all window dressing. It turns out he's one of the least considerate people alive, and only does something if it will publically improve his standing.
Months ago when we first moved in together, I bought a 24-roll pack of toilet paper. It lasted for a while but inevitably we ran out. I noticed that we were on the last roll and in fear of running out, I bought a mini 4-pack. This supply runs out shortly thereafter, as it happens on a Friday. I go to Chicago on weekends so I figured we'd be restocked when I returned. No such luck. I had no intention of being the toilet paper lacky, so I got a couple rolls and kept them in my room, wondering how he could have gone three days without toilet paper. "Maybe he's been lucky and has gone at work or during errands," I think, "Or maybe he was at his girlfriend's all weekend."
A couple of weeks go by and the odds are certainly not in his favor any longer. I have my secret stash so maybe he does too. I do a brief check in his room, no paper products. The next week A, who lives a floor below and knows of this conundrum, is going to have a big going-away party for a friend and my roommate offers our apartment to her (of course, not checking with me). My roommate's girlfiend pulls A aside, takes napkins out of her purse and says, "Here you'll need these, they aren't buying any toilet paper." You'll obviously note the incorrect pronoun usage there, but I'm past that. A. laughs out loud and my roommate must have been embarrassed enough because shortly after we have T.P. again. A four pack of one-ply, but it's better than nothing.
I respond once that runs out with another 4-pack and that lasted up until last Thursday. Easter vacation hits and I head up to Chicago for the weekend. I have now returned to a bare cardboard roll and the beginning of the Second Great War. It like looks the reserves are going to get called up again.
